None of my current friends knew about him. I hid all recent photos of us in fear of them finding out. I heard the front door slam shut and quickly put the photos back in my purse. I wiped the tears away before getting up to see my flatmates. was pacing the living room – something she only ever did when she was angry. I stepped forwards hesitantly and tapped her on the shoulder. “WHAT!?” Her shout startled me and I jumped back. “B-bad d-d-day?” I stuttered, still shaking. Her face softened and she smiled at me. “Sorry babe. I didn’t mean to shout. Err; it was quite dodgy, yeah. First, the car wouldn’t start, so I had to get the bus. Sod’s law says the bus is always late when you need it. I turned up late to work and my boss was really pissed off because I missed a really important meeting. As if that wasn’t enough, I got stuck in a lift with the most annoying man ever. He just would not shut up, I tell you. He was cute though.” I raised an eyebrow and she paused to look at me. “What, he was! Anyway, how did your day go?” I shrugged, still chuckling at her. I was about to reply when our other flatmate, , burst in. “Get dressed, we’re going out.” “Um…where?” “A concert. Come on, VIP tickets, we get to go backstage.” I smirked at her enthusiasm, but went back upstairs to get changed. I picked out my outfit very carefully, opting for a t-shirt, my black combats and converse. Ten minutes later, I came down. “Let’s go then.” “You’re not going dressed like that are you?” I looked in the mirror and tugged at my t-shirt. My hair was tied back in a loose ponytail and my combats rested neatly on my hips. I grabbed my Losprophets hoodie. “Why not?” “There’s going to be cute guys there, couldn’t you be a bit more, I dunno... dressy?” “I’m not looking.” With that, I left the house before she could have another go at me. The other two followed me out several minutes later and we all got into the limo that was parked outside.

As soon as we pulled up outside Wembley, I cursed. There were posters of him everywhere – there was no way I could keep it a secret now. “Girls, I’m not sure about leaving for so long. She’s never spent this much time apart from me before.” grabbed my arm before I could walk off and dragged me towards the building. “Relax, would you? She’ll be fine with your mum. You spend far too long with that child.” “She’s my daughter; I’m not likely to neglect her, am I?” “Just one night. Come on , it won’t do any harm.” I sighed deeply and allowed to drag me towards the security guards, flashing the passes as she did so. We followed a series of arrows to a door that said ‘dressing room’ on it. My legs felt weak as she pushed the door open and we entered the room. let go of my arm and walked straight over to one of the boys. I couldn’t see his face, but he had hair. “Honey, I bought some friends with me, you don’t mind do you?” my stomach turned as he kissed her. “Of course not. Aren’t you going to introduce us?” nudged me slightly, and I stepped forward. “Sure. Guys, these are my flatmates, and . Girls, that’s my cousin , , and ." He turned around and my heart sank. It was him - and he’d already moved on. “Hey, nice to meet you.” I held a hand out and breathed a sigh of relief as he shook it. “Likewise.” He caught my eye and held it before I looked away, already feeling uneasy about the situation. “So, what’s the plan for tonight?” “Well, you girls arrived a bit later than we expected, so I guess all we can do now is hit the clubs.” “Yeah, sorry about that. had a bit of trouble sorting something out.” They all grouped together, leaving me at the back of the group alone. What was I doing here? I didn’t belong here, I didn’t fit in. “Guys, I might just call it a night and go home. I feel a bit rundown, and I don’t want to intrude.” was the first to reply. “Don’t be stupid, you’re not intruding at all. Any friend of ’s is a friend of mine. Come on, just for a few hours, I’ll even give you a lift home if you like.” I reluctantly agreed, not wanting to get in a car with him alone in any way, shape or form.

Later that night, I had completely forgotten about my doubts for the evening, and was now drunk enough to consider doing the karaoke. I got up on the stage, smiling down at the group as the intro to the song played. I purposely caught ’s eye and held it as I started singing.

I kinda thought that I'd be better off by myself
I've never been so wrong before
You made it impossible for me to ever
Love somebody else
And now I don't know what I left you for
See I thought that I could replace you
He can't love me the way you do
'Till now I never knew

Baby
I'm spoiled
By your love boy
No matter how I try to change my mind
What's the point it's just a waste of time
I'm spoiled by your touch boy
The love you give is just too hard to fight
Don't want to live without you in my life
I'm spoiled

I tried to tell myself that I'd be over you in a week or two
But baby that was 'bout a year ago
I've never seen the word love so personified as I do with you
And that is why I just can't let go, oh no

I'm spoiled
By your love boy
No matter how I try to change my mind
What's the point it's just a waste of time
I'm spoiled by your touch boy
The love you give is just too hard to fight
Don't want to live without you in my life
I'm spoiled
Spoil me

And I would only be fooling myself if I tried to
Believe there's room for someone else in my heart
There ain't no way I'm getting over you
I don't know what I've been trying to prove
I'm hopeless, helpless when it comes to you

I'm spoiled
By your love boy
No matter how I try to change my mind
What's the point it's just a waste of time
I'm spoiled by your touch boy
The love you give is just too hard to fight
Don't want to live without you in my life
I'm spoiled
I've been spoiled yeah yeah

I suddenly realised I was still looking at him and tore my eyes away. As I got off the stage, I stole a glance at him. He had his head down, so I couldn’t see his face properly, but he looked upset. As we were leaving the club, I felt someone grab my arm and drag me in the opposite direction. I was about to scream when they stopped and spun me round to face them. “ !” “What the hell was that about?” “It’s just a song. Don’t get so stressy.” “Don’t get so stressy? My girlfriend was standing right in front of you. What happens if she’d seen you staring? She’d probably think I’m cheating on her with you.” “Well, it wouldn’t be the first time you’d cheated, would it?” I spat in fury, no longer caring who heard or saw us. His face suddenly dropped and his shoulders slumped. “Look, I don’t like this situation any more than you do, but is my friend and I’m making an effort. I suggest you do the same.” I tried to push past him, but he grabbed my arm again. “ .” “My name is . You lost the right to call me a long time ago.” “Fine, . I’m sorry. I never realised how much I hurt you. It’s just, we were young…I wasn’t ready for the whole commitment thing. I honestly didn’t mean to hurt you, I didn’t think you were that serious about me.” I pulled out of his grasp, breathing heavily. “Well, you thought wrong. I was that serious about you. I loved you so much . I-I still do.” My eyes widened as the words slipped out, and I rushed out of the club, my cheeks still burning. “ , don’t you dare walk away from me!” I continued running, trying my hardest not to let the tears escape. After two hard years trying to get over him, he was back in my life.

Over the next few months, we spent more and more time together, trying to salvage what was left of our friendship. Neither of us mentioned that night again. The only problem was, now I’d said it, I couldn’t stop thinking about it. I still had feelings for him, and from the way he acted around me, I’d say it was pretty obvious he still had feelings for me too. He didn’t know about , I’d figured it was too early to spring it on him. We often met up at the arena, where there were plenty of people. I still didn’t trust myself to be alone with him. My hands shook as I pushed the door to the dressing room open to be met by him. He was wearing jeans, and not much else. His hair was dripping, indicating that he’d just had a shower. “ , come in. I’ll just be a minute; I need to talk to Fletch.” “No, stay! We need to talk.” “About what?” “Us. Look, we can’t do this. is one of my best friends, I can’t do this to her. It’s the happiest I’ve ever seen her.” “Hey, no-one is going to make you do anything. It’s just that, after the past few weeks, I thought this was what you wanted.” He took a step towards me, causing me to swallow nervously. I remained rooted to the spot as his lips met mine. This prompted him to deepen the kiss and his tongue slipped into my mouth. I wrapped my arms around his neck, running my fingers through his hair as he backed me into the wall. A soft moan escaped me as one of his hands travelled up my inner thigh, causing my heart rate to double. My left hand travelled down to the zipper on his jeans, tugging it down frantically. At this point, the door opened and we sprung apart. entered the room and raised an eyebrow, sniggering at us. I coughed lightly and quickly pulled his zip back up. “Not interrupting anything I hope?” “No, you know I’m with .” My cheeks were burning with embarrassment. was one of my best friends. I couldn’t believe I was doing this to her, but I wanted him so much. “Yeah, I know. It’s a shame you don’t. How do you think she’s going to feel when she finds out?” “You can’t tell her! Please , we’ll break it off, just don’t tell her.” “God, I can’t believe I’m keeping this from my cousin. How long has it been going on?” I spoke up for the first time. “Not that long. A few weeks at the most. We never planned any of this, , it just happened. I didn’t mean for it to get this far, but I couldn’t help myself. He’s all I need.” “For Pete’s sake . Couldn’t you at least try and stay faithful?” “I did try. Believe me, I tried so hard not to feel this way, but I can’t help who I fall for. The last thing I want is to hurt , but it’s different with . I want to be with her all the time; I need to be with her. I’ve never felt this way about anyone before, I think I love her.” “You think?! You’re cheating on my cousin because you think you love someone else. That’s pathetic, , even you know it.” “Fine, I don’t think. I know I love her. I want to spend every waking minute with her. I want to spend the rest of my life with her. Every time I wake up and she’s not there, it goes straight through my heart. All I can say is I hope she feels the same way, because I don’t want to lose her.” “Of course I feel the same way. , you have no idea how many months I spent crying after you left. I loved you then, I love you now. Nothing’s changed.”

Later that evening, I sat nervously by the phone, waiting for to call. I thought back to all the times I'd done it while we had dated previously, and smiled as I remembered how happy his phone calls made me. It would be different this time - being in a famous band with and , it meant that I wouldn't get to see as much of him as I'd like. In a way, that suited me, because it gave me a chance to introduce to the idea slowly. On the other hand, it made me paranoid that he'd find someone prettier than me while they were on tour. I wanted to trust him, but he'd cheated before - he was doing it now. I don't know why I thought that this time would be any different to the last time. All I know is that after more than a year, I still felt exactly the same way about him. I loved everything about him - the way he could always cheer me up, the way his lips curved into a smile whenever he saw me. The way my heart still skipped a beat when he looked in my direction. He was the best thing that had ever happened to me, and despite the pain I felt when I'd caught him with , I never really stopped loving him.

*Flashback*

" , you home babe?" I didn't hear a reply, so I decided to put my feet up and watch a movie. It was ages since I'd had the house to myself, and I planned to make the most of it. Halfway through , I heard the front door open and sprang to my feet to greet him. My heart sank as I took in the sight before me. had a relatively wrapped around him, and they were kissing. I coughed once to draw attention to myself and he instantly pulled away from her. My jaw dropped when I saw , and she smiled slyly at me. "You bastard! How could you do that?" " , honey, it's not what it looks like." "Oh, right. So, what exactly is it then, because it looked to me like you were kissing someone else." "Sweetie, it was only a friendly kiss." "Friendly! , if your tongue was stuck any further down her throat, we'd have had to send out a search party. Do you know what, forget it. I don't care anymore. I'm just gonna go and get my stuff, I'll stay at 's, and I'll come back for the rest of my things tomorrow." I left him standing in the landing with his head hanging. I knew I'd probably been a bit too hard on him, but decided that he didn't need my sympathy. He cheated, he has to face the consequences.

*End of flashback*

The pregnancy itself was hard, I had really bad morning sickness, and by the seventh month, I couldn't remember what my feet looked like. I went into labour two weeks early, and was born. All my doubts flew out of the window the minute I held her for the first time. She was beautiful. She was mine.

popped her head round. “Who’s that mummy?” “It’s just a friend darling. I’ll be there in a minute.” She giggled and ran out. “Who was that? Was that .” “Yeah. Do you want me to get her so you can say hello?” “Are you sure?” “ , if you’re going to be around like you say you are, then it’s time she started getting used to you. Hang on.” I left the phone on my bed and tiptoed over to the door. “ ! Can you come here for a minute please honey? There’s someone on the phone that wants to speak to you.” I walked back over to the bed and picked the phone up. “She’s on her way.” “Ok…but what do I say to her?” “Just introduce yourself. Whatever you do, don’t tell her you’re her dad, and if you swear, I will personally kill you, so watch your language.” He laughed and agreed to the conditions.

I handed the phone over to , who had just come into the room. “Hello?” “Hi . My name’s , I’m a friend of your mum’s. I just wanted to hear the wonderful little girl she’s been describing to me all this time.” “I’ve heard your name before. Mummy’s always talking about a person called , but she says that he’s too stupid to call her, so she swears a lot when she talks about him.” I stifled a laugh and took the phone away from her. “I think that’s quite enough from you missy. Go and tidy your room.” I waited until she was out of the room before turning my attention back to the phone call. “Too stupid? Swears a lot?” “Ok, I don’t swear a lot, and she wasn’t supposed to tell you I called you stupid once, because you ‘lost’ my number. Even though it was on speed dial in your mobile.” “Yeah, likely story.” “Are you calling me a liar?” “Yeah, I am. What are you going to do about it?” “I’m going to put the phone down and not answer next time you call. Bye .” “You dare put the fu….” I knew what was coming next but true to my word, I ended the call, and fell about laughing as he rang again. He was too predictable for his own good.

I put the phone in my pocket and went to help tidy her room up and get ready for bed. As I got there, the phone rang again and I answered. “I thought you said you weren’t going to answer next time I called you.” “Then why are you calling. Told you you’re stupid.” “I will get you back for that, mark my words.” “Ok. Can I call you back in twenty minutes. I need to get ready for bed?” “No.” “Why not?” “Because I’m going to be busy.” “ , I’m sure you can tear yourself away from the pizza for five minutes to have a conversation with your oh so beautiful and ever so slightly more intelligent girlfriend.” “I could, but just for that comment, I’m not going to. I’ll ring you when I’m done.” “That’ll be half two in the morning then.” “Maybe. I’ll speak to you later. Love you.” “Love you too.” I put the phone back in my pocket, a smile spreading across my face as I ushered into the bathroom.