This time, this place
Misused, mistakes
Too long, too late
Who was I to make you wait
Just one chance
Just one breath
Just in case there's just one left
'Cause you know, you know, you know

*Flashback*

I was still reeling from the shock of the statement he’d just made. I couldn't believe I was hearing those words come out of his mouth. Not now. Not after everything we'd been through. I thought we'd be together forever. I thought that I was the most important thing in the world to him...at least that's what he'd always told me. If all that was true, he wouldn't be stood opposite me, telling me that he was leaving home. Leaving me, for his own selfish reasons. He was in a band, he was going to be famous, and this was his chance, his dream. To him, they sounded like reasonable justifications. To me, it sounded like pathetic excuse after pathetic excuse. I didn’t care if this was what he’d wanted his whole life. I wanted him to stay with me, because he was my boyfriend and I loved him. I’d have given the world for him. He knew that. He knew that I would support him in anything he did, as long as it was good for both of us. Right now, I didn’t understand how he could claim that doing this was going to help us. I needed him now more than ever, yet here he was, telling me that he was leaving.

“If you’re worried about us, this doesn’t change anything.” “How can you say that? In case you hadn’t noticed, I’m carrying your child. I need you here, not on the telly.” “Babe, come on. It’s not going to be forever.” “Yes it is. If you pick your career over your family, I am not going to let you back in. You can’t mess with people like that. I don’t want my child to grow up without a father, but if you leave, it’s over. There will be no going back.” “ , please don't do this." "Do what? You expect me to bring up a child alone? It doesn't work like that! You told me you loved me, that you'd do anything for me." "I do! I would!" "Well it doesn't feel like that. You won't even back down on this. , listen to me. You are brilliant at what you do. You're still young and other chances will come along. I just need you here with me right now. I can't do this on my own." "Babe, this is the closest I have ever been. I need to do this for me. If it works out, then fine, but if it doesn't, I'm going to need someone to help me through it." "I can't be that person. I'm sorry." "So you're saying it's over. Two years down the drain because you won't support me on this one thing." "Don't you dare try and pin this on me. You're the one that's putting our relationship on the line . I love you, and I don't want to do this, but you're not giving me much of a choice here. I shouldn't have to support you. I'm six months pregnant! I need someone I can rely on to be there for me. You're choosing your career over this." "This is the hardest decision I have ever had to make, and the only reason I'm doing this is for us and the baby. I want to be able to support you financially." "I don't need your money. I need you!" "And I will be here for you, you know that I'd never turn my back on you." "That's exactly what you're doing. If you're serious about this band, then go." " ..." "Just get out! I don't want to hear any more excuses." I avoided his stare as I turned around and trudged up the stairs, unable to control the tears that were steadily flowing down my cheeks. It was all over.

*End of Flashback* 

That I love you
I have loved you all along
And I miss you
Been far away for far too long
I keep dreaming you'll be with me
and you'll never go
Stop breathing if
I don't see you anymore

"Oh my god! , you have got to come and see this." I put my son down and rushed into the living room where my best friend was firmly glued to the TV. "Look, it's him! He did it, just like he said he would." "Yeah, good for him. Sorry, I need to go and see to Ben." "Oh god! I am so sorry babe. I didn't realise...are you ok?" "I'm fine. He's moved on and he's getting on with his life now, it's about time I did the same. I knew when he left that there was no going back. I just thought he'd have at least called or something to find out about Ben." It had been just over a year since had left to be in the band. He'd not called or written once since then. I was beginning to think that he'd never really cared. "Look, obviously I never meant anything more to him than a quick shag." "Don't even think that. He was mad about you. Why else would he have thought about proposing." "What?" "He didn't tell you?" "Funnily enough, the focus was on him leaving. He didn't quite get to the part where he asks me to marry him." "Sorry. I didn't...you weren't supposed to find out." "Well, it's not like I'm going to see him again, so things can't be awkward, can they?" " , this isn't a joke." "Do you see me laughing? He wasn't really going to...you know?" "Propose? Oh yeah, he had the ring and everything." "Shit! What have I done?" "Look, I'm not blaming it on you, you didn't know." "Yeah, but if I had done. I don't know, maybe I wouldn't have broken up with him. The fact of the matter is, I loved him. I still do, and I feel like shit for hurting him."

I had never imagined that he was that serious about me. I mean, he told me he loved me all the time, but then, people always say that when they're in relationships. It doesn't mean a thing unless you show it. At the time, I'd thought that him joining the band was an excuse to break up with me and get out of a trap. Now that I'd heard what he was planning, I wasn't sure those were his motives anymore. Maybe he had wanted me to  support him because he was doing it for the sake of our family. I guess it didn't really matter now, when one third of that family was halfway across the country. " ? Have you still got the keys to the car?" "Yeah, why?" "We're going to London." "We're what?!" "I need to see him, to tell him I made a mistake. I want him back . I need him back, it is killing me not being with him." "What about Ben?" "He's coming with us." "You cannot drag a baby out across the country chasing after some guy." "It's not just some guy! It's his dad, and I think that has a right to meet his son." "Well, when you put it like that. What are we still doing her, let's go. I heard they were at the BBC centre today." "Thanks for doing this . It really means a lot."

On my knees, I'll ask
Last chance for one last dance
'Cause with you, I'd withstand
All of hell to hold your hand
I'd give it all
I'd give for us
Give anything but I won't give up
'Cause you know, you know, you know

We got to London in record time with her behind the wheel. The girl can drive, she'd definately give a couple of the blokes I know a run for their money. I didn't have a clue what i was going to say to him when I finally saw him. Hell, I didn't even know I was going to see him. They could have left hours ago, I had no guarantee that he was even here. "Hey, is that him over there?" I looked over to where she was pointing, feeling my heart rate triple as I recognised him. "Yeah, it's him. I'll be right back." I picked Ben up and took a deep breath to compose myself before walking over to where he was standing. " ?" He turned around, doing a double take as he registered who I was. " ? What...how...I mean, what are you doing here?" "I had to see you. told me what you were planning. Why didn't you say anything?" "I don't know. Maybe it wouldn't have sounded right. 'I'm leaving you, but will you marry me?' Doesn't exactly have the romantic part to it, does it." "I don't care about the romance. If I'd known that I meant that much to you, I'd never have...we'd still be together. We'd have found a way to make this work." "We still can, can't we? For his sake." He nodded down at Ben. "No." "No?" "No. We're going to make this work for our sake."

We did agree to take things slowly. I think that neither one of us wanted to mess up again. It was bound to end up hurting a lot more this time, partly because Ben was involved too. At the end of the day, I just think that taking it slowly wasn't an option though. I don't know about him, but I felt we'd lost far too much time already, and I wanted things to pick up where we left off. It felt right, like that was how it was supposed to be. In a way I guess it was. We never should have broken up, and if I'd known any of the stuff that he'd just told me, I highly doubt we would have done. I think that all of this stuff made us stronger in a way because now I know how much he really means to me and how much I mean to him. I don't think either of us would be stupid enough to risk that or throw it away, because it's not something you come across every day.

That I love you
I have loved you all along
And I miss you
Been far away for far too long
I keep dreaming you'll be with me
and you'll never go
Stop breathing if
I don't see you anymore

*One year later* "Ok, ok, guys, seriously. Calm down, pregnant lady in the room." "Aww, that is so cute. , why don't you ever do that for me?" "Because you're not a pregnant lady. Besides, 's an idiot for letting a woman get him under the thumb." "Oi! I take offence to that. I wear the trousers in this relationship." " , caa you get me a glass of water please. Oh, and some chocolate. And maybe some cream crackers too. No actually, I want some choc chip cookies with cheese." Everyone in the room groaned as I said that. "What? It tastes nice!" "Whatever! And see, you are under the thumb ." "She's pregnant! That means that I have to do everything for her whether I like it or not." "Oh, ha bloody ha. Ow!" "What?" "The baby just kicked." "Aww let me feel." "Oi, get off. She's my best friend." "Yeah, and it's my baby!" "Guys, there is more than enough belly for both of you to feel. Come here." I took 's hand and placed it on my growing belly, waiting for the baby to kick again. "Oh, there it is. Did you feel that?" " , that's amazing babe. You've made me come over all maternal now." "You hear that ? You're next mate."

These were the times I had missed so much when we weren't together. Just spending time with all of our friends and having a laugh. Even if most of the time it was at my expense. It was hardly my fault I was resembling a beached whale more and more by the day. "Ow! Ok, that wasn't a kick." "What's happening? ?" "I think this is it." "But, it can't be. You're not due for another three months." "I know, but this is not a 'hey mummy, I'm kicking you to remind you I'm here' pain. This is a 'hey mummy, my room had best be ready because I'm coming out' pain." "Are you sure?" "I'm pretty sure. I've had a baby before, I know what it feels like." "What does it feel like?" "Like this." "Oh, shit! The baby cannot be coming . We're not even ready." "I'm sorry, I can't hold it in for another three months." "Look, it's ok. I'll ge tthe guys to help sort out the baby's room, and I'll take you down to the hospital. Come on." "Don't you have to be up early tomorrow for the signings?" "Not any more. My family's way more important."

So far away
So far away
Been far away for far too long
So far away
So far away
Been far away for far too long
But you know, you know, you know

I knew from the minute I felt that pain that something wasn't right. This was way too early for the baby, and I didn't like it one bit. The doctors had already told me that at the six month, there was a slight chance that it wouldn't survive. That thought scared the crap out of me if I'm honest. I didn't want to lose my baby. " ?" "It's ok, I'm here babe. It'll be fine." "I'm scared." "There's no need. I'm not going anywhere." "I love you." "I know. I love you too."

After several exhausting hours, our daughter was finally born. She was immediately rushed off to SCBU, leaving me distraught. I hadn't even had a chance to hold her before they took her away to monitor her. "She'll be fine, I know she will. She beautiful like her mum, so that means she's got to be a fighter like you too." "What if..." "Sssh. It's not going to come to that." He stayed by my side the whole time, just reassuring me that she'd be fine. Naturally, that made me feel a lot better about the situation, and a lot more positive. "Am I forgiven?" "For what?" "For walking away." "Of course you are. You're here now, and you're never walking away again."

I wanted
I wanted you to stay
'Cause I needed
I need to hear you say
That I love you
I have loved you all along
And I forgive you
For being away for far too long
So keep breathing
'Cause I'm not leaving you anymore
Believe it
Hold on to me and, never let me go