I stood at the side of the grave, watching him being lowered into the ground. I was never going to see him again. I would never hear his laugh, see his smile, or feel his elbows dig into my side when he wanted me to change the channel. He was no more. And now neither was I.

* Flashback *

I opened my eyes slowly as my balcony door slid open. I looked at my clock, 5:30. Only one person would be coming to see me at this time in the morning. I smiled as his familiar face crept over the side of my bed grinning form ear to ear. I opened my quilt and moved up to let him in. He grabbed my waist towards him and hugged me tightly.‘Good morning.’‘Good morning yourself.’ He kissed the back of my neck gently and brushed my hair away from my face. I snuggled into him as I fell asleep to the familiar sound of his heartbeat.

End *

‘Earth to earth, ashes to ashes, dust to dust.’ put his arm around me and held me close. But it didn’t help. The only person I wanted to feel was , and that wasn’t possible. I wanted him here with me; to hold me and tell me it’d be ok, to never let me go.

* Flashback*

‘I love you.’ I stared back at him in disbelief. I’d waited years to hear those words come form his mouth, and now I wish I hadn’t. He wavered for a moment. An uneasy smile on his face. But I couldn’t say anything. I was too shocked. ‘Say something.’ I opened my mouth to talk but nothing came out. I shook my head and pulled back from his embrace. He looked at me with a confused expression. I took one last look at him and ran to the train. He grabbed my arm, as I was about to get on.‘You’re still going? Even after what I’ve I told you? You’re still going?’ The officer blew his whistle and the train began to smoke. ‘I’m sorry.’ I jumped on and closed the door, tears streaming down my face.‘Don’t go please stay. I love you.’ The train pulled away, he ran beside it shouting I love you, but the only sound I could hear was the train picking up speed.

* End *

If I had stayed that day, none of this would have happened. He’d never have met her, never have broke my heart, never have died. It was my fault he was dead. The one person I loved most in the whole world. The one person that made me me, and id killed him. I wiped a tear away as I threw my rose onto his coffin. Saying my last goodbye to the man I loved.

* Flashback *

I ran to him and straight into his arms. After 2 years he still hadn’t changed. He was as beautiful as ever, and my heart twinged as I thought of being with him again. ‘I have something to tell you.’ I beamed finally ready to tell him I loved him. He smiled back.‘So do I.’‘You go first.’ He walked around the corner and pulled a blonde-haired girl towards us. I stood staring, hoping it was his cousin.‘This is Becky. My fiancé’ my heart broke. I stared at who was grinning down at her, the way he used to smile at me. Becky held out her hand. I smiled politely and took it introducing myself. She said she’d heard a lot about me, how we were best friends and all. I could do nothing but smile, as I realised my chance had gone and my love was now unrequited.

* End *

I stayed by his grave as everyone headed back to their cars for the reception, not wanting to leave him alone. I hugged tightly and told him I’d be down in a minute. He smiled weakly and headed down the hill after the others. I kept my eyes on the coffin, wishing for him to come back. To spend one last day with him, to be able to say goodbye properly. The last moment I had with him stuck in my head, going over and over it. The day he’s told me that he loved me not Becky, that he’d split up with her to be with me.

* Flashback *

‘What d’you want from me? I can’t be want you want. I cant be Becky.’ grabbed ’s arm as she tried to walk away. His eyes reached hers and saw the hurt, pain, and desperation inside her.‘I don’t want you to be Becky. I want you to be you. You’re all I need.’‘Don’t .’ She barely whispered.‘I need you , you’re everything to me.’‘Stop it I cant do this. It hurts too much. I don’t want you to hurt me anymore. I cant handle it.’‘I don’t want to hurt you. I never have.’ was quiet for a moment. She looked at him intently. At his beautiful eyes, perfect little nose, and lips that she longed to kiss.‘Its too late.’‘Its not!’ He protested.‘It is and you know it.’ ‘I wont let it be.’ cupped ’s face and stared into his eyes, tears threatening to fall.‘I love you, like I’ve never loved anyone before. You make me whole, and the thought of going back to being only half again scares me to death. But I can’t be with you. It hurts so much to tell you this but I’ll end up hurting more if I don’t. I don’t want more pain . Please just let me go’‘I cant’‘You have to. Please’ she gave him more last kiss and turned to walk up the path. A lonely tear ran down her cheek.

* End *

‘I still loved you then. You were my world . No one loved me more than you did, and no one loved you more than I did. I wanted to tell you that so bad. But too many things had happened. I was scared. Scared of getting hurt, scared of finally admitting that I loved you after id told myself so many times that I didn’t, and scared of telling you the one thing I wanted to tell you the most. I was scared that you’d think I was lying. Though god knows why.’ I looked down at my stomach then back at him.‘I pregnant . You’re a daddy.’ I smiled as the tears filled my eyes. He would never know now. Never get to meet his child, never see them walk or talk. But they would know him.‘I promise ; they will know everything about you. How you had to be hugged at least 3 times a day, how you’d rub your ear lobs when you were stressed, or rub your neck when you were nervous. How you hated people touching your feet.’ giggled slightly ‘Everything.’* Flashback*

could hear him screaming her name, but she couldn’t turn around. It was killing her but she couldn’t. She had to follow this through. She loved him too much.As she crossed the road she could hear footsteps getting faster and faster. She sobbed and turned around. was running across the road, crying, still shouting her name.And that’s when it happened. That’s when the car hit him and he fell to the ground. That’s when her heart stopped beating.She ran to him as the car sped off. He was lying on the ground, lifeless, like a doll. She grabbed his hand and held it in hers. Telling him to stay with her, begging him not to die. Telling him that she’d never leave him again, no matter what. That she didn’t mean anything she’d said. Then the paramedics came and took him away. She wasn’t allowed to go with him; she had to follow in a different car. She couldn’t cry ,she had to be strong for him, for when he woke up. But he didn’t.

 * End *

The doctors said he’d died in the ambulance. I’ll never know if he heard what I said to him. But everyday I which and hope and pray that he did. That he knew he was everything to me and always would be. ‘I’ll never forget , never. You’ll always be with me. Forever.’