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Part 1:

“I STILL CAN’T FIT INTO MY TROUSERS!!!” I screamed in frustration as I tried to slip on my size eight jeans. I admitted defeat and instead put on my size ten jeans – the ones I had been wearing for nearly the past three months. I sighed heavily and sat down on my bed, my head in my hands. “Grrr… pregnancy really does nothing for your figure,” I muttered. popped his head around the door. “You all right honey?” he asked. “Yeah… just wish I could fit back into my size eight jeans and look good in them,” I said, falling backwards onto the bed. “Stop worrying . Size ten is small. You look good in them anyway,” told me, flopping down next to me. “Yeah, I suppose. But I’ve had to buy a whole new wardrobe because of it! All of my jeans are size eight.” “ … what did you read about going back to your pre–pregnancy figure? Give it three to four months?” “Sorry,” I said sheepishly. “I’m just annoyed. I wanted to wear my butterfly jeans tomorrow.” “Relax – it’s only me, and his band, and his band, Billie and Natasha and their families and Mcfly. It’s not like there are going to be any fit guys there,” he said naughtily, winking at me. “Hey… I fancy , and that cute black haired guy from ’s band. And I think ’s all right. Bloody cheek.” “Language,” chuckled. “Besides, you’re a beautiful, funny, attractive fifteen year old. They’re so not attractive seventeen to twenty–two year olds.” “I’m fifteen tomorrow!” I sung, resting my head on ’s thigh. “The only draw–back about me is that I’ve got a two and a half month old kid.” “I don’t see any problem with that. You make it sound like she’s a bad thing.” “She’s not,” I murmured. “She’s my daughter, I love her to pieces, but it’s just… I never have any time for guys any more.” “WAAAAAHHHHH!” “Talk of the devil,” I laughed as I stood up and made my way into Jemima’s bedroom. I picked her up from her cot and sat down with her on the chair. “Hey, baby, what’s the matter? Are you a hungry little bub?” I asked soothingly. “Bottle?” called. “Please,” I replied. "And bring some milk formula up for me!" "You are so gross. That stuff is disgusting!" "Suit yourself," I laughed. I rested Jemima on my shoulder and patted her back, waiting for to come back with the bottle. “Here you go,” he said a few minutes later, handing me a bottle and a blue tea–towel. “Thanks,” I said, putting the tea–towel under her neck and putting the bottle in her mouth. sat down on the floor besides the chair, staring at Jemima. “So much has changed since she’s come along,” he sighed, stroking her head, which already had a fair amount of red hair growing on it. “She looks so much like you,” he chuckled. “Virtually identical.” “Cheers for that,” I giggled.

He was right, though. So much had changed since Jemima had come along. I was no longer going to school – instead, had sorted out private lessons for me at home, so I could look after my child. A lot of my friends had abandoned me because of it, but my two really good friends, Billie and Natasha, understood and remained my good friends. My social life had suffered big time – I hadn’t had many boyfriends before, but I missed the flirting. I didn’t have any time for boys at the moment, but I didn’t mind. I had Jemima to care for. She was my little girl, and I would do anything for her.

Speaking of relationships, and Emma had broken up – about a month after Jemima was born. I knew I was the cause of it all – having Jemima had put a big strain on their relationship. They started arguing more and more, but the final straw was when Emma wanted to go away for a weekend just for the two of them, leaving me and Jemima behind. didn’t want to leave us, so Emma just flipped. She screamed that I and ‘that baby’ had ruined their relationship, and gave him an ultimatum – either her, or me and Jemima. And chose us. I was listening at the door, but after I heard that, I couldn’t take it any more. I ran upstairs to bed and cried myself to sleep. When I woke up the next morning, Emma was gone. Out of all his girlfriends, I had liked her the most, and she’ll always be important to me because of what she did for me and Jemima. ’s bedroom door was shut and locked. I pressed my ear up against the door, but I couldn’t tell whether he was crying or not. He didn’t get up until three in the afternoon that day, and even then, he looked tired and rough. Jemima was having her afternoon nap and I was surfing on the internet. He smiled reassuringly at me as he came down the stairs. Later that day, I asked him why he chose me and Jemima over Emma. I mean, he loved her. But instead of getting angry with me at eavesdropping like he would have done, he said simply, “Babes, you’re like a daughter to me. I couldn’t chose her over you. Sure, I love Emma – but I love you and Jemima more.”

Part 2:

I watched with wide eyes as put the last smidgen of icing on my chocolate cake. As he put the knife in the sink, I quickly reached out and took a dollop off the cake and into my mouth, cleaning my finger of the evidence. “I know what you did,” chuckled as he turned around. I blinked at him innocently. “You want your figure back, you’re gonna have to cut back on chocolate. Which means, no cake,” he teased as he placed the lid on the cake and placed it in the fridge. “Um… maybe I don’t want my figure back that badly,” I said, reaching for the cake. He laughed and lifted it out of my reach. “Nuh–uh,” he said firmly. “Later, ok? Otherwise there’ll be none left for this afternoon.” I pouted at him. “Hm, no fair!” He sighed. “Say buh–bye to the size eight jeans,” he said as he let me take a lick. “Mmmm… yum yum. For someone who can’t cook, you did remarkably well.” “It’s called, ‘packet mix.’” “Figured – ready–made and packet stuff is about the only thing you can do.” “Oi!” I giggled and escaped to the sitting room, where an assortment of opened presents lay opened on the chair. I picked up my new iPod and began to fiddle about with it on ’s laptop. “What you downloading?” asked as he came into the room, carrying Jemima and settling down on the sofa with her. I looked up at him, smiling at the sight. “Bit of Green Day,” I said, turning back to the computer. As I waited for it to download, I sat and watched him and Jemima. I stifled a giggle as he cooed over her, making baby noises for her. “Who’s a pretty little bub?” he cooed. I couldn’t take it any more and burst out laughing. “Hey!” “Sorry,” I laughed, wiping tears of laughter from my eyes. “It’s just so funny to see you cooing over her like that.” He scowled at me, handing me Jemima. I cradled her in one arm, half–concentrating on the iPod. “They’re here!” announced as the doorbell went.

Part 3:

“Aww, she’s lovely!!!” said as he held Jemima. There were loud giggles from around the room as everyone failed to stifle laughs. “All right, I admit it; I’m a softie,” sighed, turning a healthy shade of crimson. “Aw, !” I giggled, pecking him on the cheek. He turned a deeper shade of red and handed her back to me. “I’m gonna go put her to bed; she needs her afternoon nap,” I said, taking her upstairs to her cot. I placed her in her cot and turned her mobile on, watching her. It was moments like this that I really loved. She looked so peaceful as she fell asleep in her cot. “I love you,” I whispered, kissing her forehead. I heard footsteps outside and the door creak open and turned around to find standing in the doorway. “Erm… can I come in?” he asked awkwardly. “Yeah, sure,” I smiled. “Sorry,” he mumbled, standing next to me. “I haven’t had a moment since the party began, and I’ve wanted just a quick word with you since we got here.” “Why?” I asked, turning to look at him. “I’ve wanted you to show me your new guitar!” “Come on then!” I led him to my bedroom and sat him down on the bed. “What do you want me to play?” I asked. “Whatever you want, I’m not bothered. tells me you’re good, though, so I wanna hear.” I blushed. “Well… I haven’t actually done much since Jemima was born, so I’m a bit rusty… is it ok if I play I Wanna Hold You?” “Aw, I’m flattered!” “Just the album version, ok?” I giggled, starting up the song.

Tell me that you want me baby
Tell me that it’s true
Say the magic words
And I’d destroy the world for you

An army for the broken hearted
Marching through the streets
And every city’s burning
To the ground under your feet

I wanna hold you
My skies are turning black
Feels like a heart attack
And I’d do anything you ask
I wanna hold you bad

I’d melt the polar ice caps baby
And watch ‘em flood the earth
And I’d do anything to show you
What your love is worth

So won’t you show me your devotion
To feel my aching heart
It’s like a neutron bomb explosion
Tearing me apart

I wanna hold you
My skies are turning black
Feels like a heart attack
And I’d do anything you ask
I wanna hold you bad

Attention please
We interrupt this program
With some disturbing news
A world–wide evacuation
We’re going to lose
They’ve pulverised the nation
I guess it shows us just what love could do

I wanna hold you
My skies are turning black
Feels like a heart attack
And I’d do anything you ask
I wanna hold you bad, bad, bad

I’d do anything you ask
I wanna hold you bad

“Yay!” cheered. I blushed again. “For someone who hasn’t had much practise since February, you did good!” “Look, I’ve gone bright red here, stop it,” I laughed. “I made some bum notes on the guitar solo, though.” “No problem. Come here.” He parted his legs and I sat between them, allowing him to rest his hands over mine and guide me as I played. “Like this…” I suddenly became aware of how close together we were sitting. My back was rubbing up against his chest, and his hands were closed over mine. I breathed in his aftershave, trying hard to concentrate.

“There you go.” He let go of me suddenly and I found that I could play it full way through without any hitches. I looked up at him. “Thanks,” I smiled. We locked eyes for a moment, before looking away. “How are things with Jemima anyway?” asked a few moments later. “She’s good,” I said, smiling to myself. “She’s trying hard to smile, but she hasn’t quite got there yet. It’s funny to think how much life has changed since she came along…” “Does help you?” “Well, as much as he can!” I laughed. “People stop to sneer at me in the street, but I don’t really care. They don’t know the half of it, and as far as I’m concerned, they don’t have to. I don’t care what they think. I love my little girl, and that’s all that matters.” “What about relationships at the moment?” I looked up at him, wondering why he had asked me this question. “They’ve hit an all–time low,” I sighed. “Oh well.” “You’d like to be with someone though?” asked, taking the guitar from my hands and placing it on the floor. “Yes, I would… but he needs to accept Jemima and be a father to her. I won’t get with anyone if they can’t accept her.” pushed me away gently, turning me around to face him. I knew what was coming next. “Would you take her on?” I whispered. “You know I would,” he said before he kissed me. He pushed me backwards onto the bed and lay on top of me, kissing me, his tongue probing mine. He pulled away for a moment and stroked my cheek. I groaned and pulled him back, kissing him deeply, not caring what anyone thought… “ , have –- what the heck is going on here?” demanded as he came into the room.

Part 4:

“You didn’t have to be so hard on him,” I muttered later that evening. “Yeah, well, what was I supposed to think? The two of you were lying on the bed kissing! Tongues and all! What the hell WAS I supposed to think?” “You didn’t need to throw him out though. It was just a freaking kiss.” “That wasn’t the impression I got.” “ ! You know , you know he wouldn’t use me for sex! Besides, technically I’m still a virgin. He knows I’m uncomfortable with the idea.” “You were lying on your bed KISSING! WITH TONGUES! What else was I supposed to think – I thought you were about to–” “DON’T,” I shouted, covering my ears. “Please, don’t.” “You’re fifteen – you’re under–aged anyway!” I snorted. “That’s rich coming from you. You lost your virginity when you were thirteen!” had the grace to look slightly embarrassed for a moment. “That’s not the point!” I sighed. “ , look. Normally I wouldn’t mind. But you have a daughter to think of now.” “I KNOW. I’m not that stupid . If I have a relationship with , he needs to be a father to her.” sighed and sat down beside me. “You’re a stubborn mule, you know that, right?” he said affectionately, ruffling my hair. “Yup,” I grinned. “ , think of Jemima. How do you think she’s gonna react?” I sighed. “ … I know I’ve always said that I’ve wanted to be in a relationship. But to tell you the truth… I’m scared of being in one. I only say it to wind you up. The guy… he needs to be a proper father to Jemima, no matter how long we’re together. He can’t just get with me and expect everything to be perfect. She has to be in the picture as well. She’s my daughter, and I need to think what’s best for her, not for me.” I sighed and rested my head on his chest as he flicked the news on. “So what about ?” he asked, fiddling with my hair. “Well, you threw him out, didn’t you. It’s not like he’s ever gonna talk to me again after that.” “Aw, hun, I didn’t mean it. I was only concerned about your wellbeing.” “ , I’m a big girl now. I can take care of myself.” “Can your uncle still worry?” he asked, hurt in his voice. “Aw!” I sat up and hugged him, pecking him on the cheek. “I’ll always be your little girl, you know that.” “My two beautiful, gorgeous little girls,” chuckled, hugging me back.

I sighed, closing my eyes. Did I want this with ? Sure, I liked him… really liked him. I always had done, ever since we met on the tour back in 2004. I was only thirteen then… in fact, I wasn’t even that. I was thirteen in April, and by then Mcfly were shooting off all over the country, and the two of us had had very little contact since. And I know that he had said that he would be a father to Jemima… but maybe he was only saying that to get that kiss out of me. I don’t know… I was mixed up. I needed time to sort my head out.

Part 5:

I sighed as I read over the next sum. 4386 x 76549. “And the point in me doing this again is…?” I called through to . “So you learn to do long multiplication PROPERLY. Everyone knows you suck at it,” he called through. “Hey, I’m not the one setting the work, love. It’s your sexy little teacher Ms. Umber.” “ !” “Sorry,” he grinned, coming into the room. “She is so freaking sexy!” “ , shut up. This is my tutor you’re talking about,” I grimaced, cringing at the thought. “Tell you something, I would so love to –” “SHUT UP!” I shouted, half–laughing, covering my ears. “Look, I need a good lay. You know what I’m like if I go without for over a week.” “Yes, I do. But you’re not getting anything out of me. Eurgh,” I shuddered. laughed, sitting down on the floor next to me. “Nine times six is 54,” he said helpfully. I gave him an evil eye. “What is the point of doing this? Isn’t this what calculators are for?” I said in frustration. “That is beside the point. I used a calculator in school, and the only place it got me was in detention. Right, I’ve gotta go to the studio. I’ll see you a little later, ok?” “Sure. See you later.”

I sat there, chewing the end of my pencil. It was a week after my birthday party, and nothing had happened between me and . No call, no nothing. To tell you the truth, I think he was a little scared that he would run into again. He seriously flipped out the other day – I wouldn’t want to run into him like that again. The doorbell went. I got up to answer it, wondering who it could be. “Hey,” said as I answered the door. “I was wondering when I’d see you again,” I laughed. We stood there for a moment, staring at each other. “Erm… you wanna come in?” I asked. “Ok,” he shrugged, following me inside. It was obvious that he had been waiting until had disappeared. “You want a coffee or something?” “No… , I think we need to talk…” I sighed and sat down on the sofa, gesturing for him to sit down next to me. “Talk about what?” I asked, although I knew full well what it was. “About… about that kiss last week. Did it… mean anything?” “I… I don’t know,” I admitted truthfully. “I’m mixed up at the moment, . I need some time to sort it out.” “ , you know I’ve always liked you. Ever since that tour and we were thrown together for two months. But you were too young then… I was too young then. But I want you to know that if you do want to move further than this, then I’ll be there for you and Jemima. And I swear that I’ll be a proper father to her, no matter what.” “Yes, but will you always be there?” I asked, standing up. “You’re from Mcfly. You’ll constantly by leaving me to shoot off on tours, abroad for promotion, you’ll be in the recording studios day in and day out to record new stuff, you’ll always have screaming girls coming after you… I just don’t know at the moment, all right?”

I felt so mixed up. What I was saying was true, but had said that he would be a proper father to her, and I knew from the way he had said it, he had meant it. But I was confused and mixed up and I didn’t need to be involved with someone just then. I felt a hot tear roll down my cheek. I brushed it away. seemed unsure of what to do – I guess no girl has ever considered the thought of turning down a member of Mcfly. “I didn’t mean it like that,” I mumbled. “But I need to think what’s best for Jemima, not for me. And I know that in my heart of hearts I do want to be with you, but Jemima… she’s my daughter, my baby, and I need to think what’s best for her.” He stood up and squeezed my hand. “It’s ok,” he said. “You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to.” He wiped another hot tear from my cheek. “I just wanted to know what it meant.” “A lot, . I know it did,” I sighed.

Part 6:

I think that day had cleared up a lot between me and . In between tours and promotion, he came to visit us, kind of like to show that he could be a father to her. I liked him, as a guy and as a friend, but a relationship wasn’t really what I wanted right now. And I think he knew that, because he didn’t mention anything again. Nothing more happened between us until the start of August. , , , Mcfly and I were tagging along to the pub to celebrate s new single getting in at number 2. Of course, I was under–aged, but assured me that they would let me in as long as I didn’t consume any alcohol. I know I looked incredibly indignant at that point, because let out a laugh. “Sorry hun, I didn’t mean it in that way,” he chuckled. In fact, I didn’t do much celebrating. Neither did , so the two of us just sat in the corner and talked. I was surprised at how easily I could open up to him. We had a lot in common – we never ran out of things to talk about. It was around eleven when I decided to go home and get to bed. Billie’s mum was looking after Jemima for the night, so I could have stayed out longer if I want to… but it wasn’t much fun if you couldn’t drink and party.

“I’m going home ,” I said as he came over. “So soon? But the night’s still young!” “And so am I,” I stated. “I’m tired tonight. I’m gonna go home and go to bed.” “All right, but someone’s coming with you.” I nodded. I was about to suggest it – I didn’t want to get raped and fall pregnant again. It was a horrid experience, and I didn’t plan on repeating it. “I’ll go with her,” offered. I smiled at him. In a way, I happy that he had offered to come… very happy. It would be just me and him… but I also felt my stomach churn at the thought. What if he tried to pull something again? agreed, and pretty soon me and were walking down the street back home. I shivered as I felt the wind blow and a few drops of rain land on my arms. For a summer night, it was freezing, and I was only wearing a t–shirt and jeans. “Here,” offered, putting his jacket around me. “But… what about you?” “I’ll be all right.” “Yeah, you’re a man!” I laughed as he wrapped his arm around my shoulders. I shivered again, and this time, it wasn’t because of the cold. “You all right?” he asked, stopping and looking at me. “Mmmm hmmm…” “You’re still shivering. What’s wrong?” I looked down at the ground. I felt his hand cup my chin and lift my head up to look into his eyes. He gently brushed his lips against mine. I groaned quietly and pulled away. “ … you know what I said…” “I know… but I don’t…” “ , you know what I said was true. Believe me, please. I really, really like you … I just want one chance. Please.” I looked up at him again. I could see the sincerity in his eyes. “I really like you too ,” I whispered, kissing him again.

Part 7:

He took me home, and looked after me that night. Billie’s mum left and we had the place to our self. I kissed Jemima goodnight before I allowed myself to get wrapped up in . We made love that night. I was so nervous about it, but he was so gentle, bless him. It was nothing like the rape. He was nervous too, I could tell he was, like if he made a wrong move I would freak. But he was ever so gentle and went at my own pace instead of his – and we remembered to use protection. “ ,” he whispered as he lay down beside me, wrapping his arms around me. I nuzzled into him, my eyes heavy with sleep. “You all right?” he asked. “Mmmm hmmm…” “I was ok wasn’t I? I didn’t hurt you?” “No … you were the best,” I whispered before falling asleep. didn’t find out until late in the afternoon the following day. He came back home slightly drunk, and didn’t twig at first that had stayed over. It wasn’t until he came down at three in the afternoon that day, looking slightly rough that he noticed .

“Hey … ?” he questioned, looking from me to to Jemima and then back to me again. “Um… stayed over last night…” I mumbled awkwardly, taking Jemima from . I bit my bottom lip. I was hoping that wouldn’t freak out too much. Whereas before I had had Jemima he had been very chilled about seeing boys after school, he was now slightly protective if I mentioned there was a boy I liked. I knew that he was only thinking of mine and Jemima’s wellbeing, but I was also thinking of Jemima. I would never get with a guy that couldn’t except her as his own, for however long we were together. If he wouldn’t take her on, it was goodbye. She was one of the most important things in my life, and nothing – not even a guy who says he loves me – would ever change that. “He… he stayed over?” “Yes.” I shot him a pleading look, begging him not to blow up. “Did you sleep together?” asked carefully. I nodded slightly. was staring at the floor, looking embarrassed. looked over at . “Look after her,” he said simply, before going into the kitchen. I sat there astounded. I couldn’t believe I had been let off the hook so easily. I had expected him to blow up completely, especially about what we had done the night before. He had told me I needed to be careful around boys now… so why did he just take it as it was and didn’t question it? I was surprised he didn’t have a go at for sleeping with me – I was under–aged and everything, and he had thrown him out at the birthday party just for kissing. I needed to know these answers.

Balancing Jemima on my hip, I excused myself from and followed into the kitchen, shutting the door behind me. He turned around, one eyebrow raised questionably. “Why did you let me off the hook so easily?” I asked, placing Jemima on the floor. “Because I know he’s a good guy. He wouldn’t do anything to hurt you or Jemima. I over–reacted at your birthday party. Course he’d be a good father to Jemima. This is , for Christ’s sake. And he wouldn’t use you for sex. I know that you’re a feisty little girl.” “Thanks,” I laughed. “You did use protection, didn’t you?” he asked worriedly. “Course we did. I’m not that stupid .” “Look at my little girl. She’s all grown up,” said, pulling me into a hug. I could hear the tears choking his voice slightly. “Oh , you know I’ll always, always be your little girl,” I whispered into his chest. From on my hip, Jemima let out a squeak of annoyance. I laughed and pulled away, putting her on the kitchen floor. “Look at this ,” I said softly, sitting Jemima upright against my legs. She sat there placidly for a few moments, before losing her balance and falling backwards against my legs. I picked her up again, kissing her chubby little cheek. “Bless her. You’ll be sitting up properly soon, won’t you little bub?” he cooed, tickling her under the chin. She smiled up at him, gurgling happily. “I’d better get back to . I’ll bet he’ll be panicking,” I said, walking towards the kitchen door. I found him still sitting on the sofa, biting his nails. I could tell by the way he looked that he was terrified. “Hey, don’t bite your nails. Look at the state of mine,” I giggled, sitting down on the sofa beside him. He jumped slightly, smiling at me. “What did he say?” he asked nervously. “He’s fine with us,” I sighed.

Part 8:

I sat at my bedroom door, listening to the noises downstairs. had come back home late again, drunk and with his new girlfriend. I felt tears roll down my cheeks as I heard them… I could tell by the tone of ’s voice that he was drunk out of his mind. I sighed and crawled back into bed beside , trying hard to ignore them. It was the start of November. Me and had been going out for three months now, and had been together with Rachel for near two months. Jemima had learned how to crawl and had grown two teeth and had virtually been weaned onto solids now – but I still liked her to have a few bottles in the day so she could get some fluid. But right now, I was more concerned about than ever before.

I didn’t think that Rachel was a good influence on . I was always careful about who got together with, especially after rehab nearly two years back. I was terrified that he would go back to the that came along after the Busted spilt. He began drinking more and more, until me and Emma realised that it was getting out of hand. We talked to him, and he had two weeks in rehab to sort himself out – this happened shortly before I fell pregnant. He wouldn’t accept any calls except from Emma and I. It was horrible. I was so scared for him. When he came out of rehab again, he was like a different person. He was back to his old self, and he had sworn that he would never go back to that. But I knew that it was happening all over again with Rachel – but he didn’t realise it.

I pressed my body up against ’s, trying hard to ignore the groans and drunken noises coming from downstairs. I felt stir and he looked down on me. “What’s wrong?” he asked softly. “I’m worried about ,” I confessed. “Tell me,” he whispered. So I told him. I told him everything that I had been worried about for the past two months. I was so scared that would go back to that drinking phase again, and all because of that slag downstairs. I despised her, and knew I did. We had argued a lot because of it. He couldn’t understand why I hated her so much, and I couldn’t understand why he didn’t see her for who she was. “He’ll be fine,” said reassuringly when I had finished, pulling me into a hug. “He won’t go back to that. You know he won’t.” “But what if he does?” I sobbed. “I nearly lost him last time. I don’t want that to happen again.” “If you’re so worried about him, talk to him. He’ll understand.” I sighed, wiping my tears and resting my head on his chest. Maybe was right. I suddenly found myself saying something that I had wanted to say for ages now. “I love you ,” I whispered. I felt his grip on me tighten slightly. “I love you too .”

Part 9:

“Um… ?” “Yeah hun?” I studied him. It was eleven the next morning, and was looking rough. I could tell that he was very drunk the night before because I had heard him throwing up earlier (hell, that brought back bad memories). “Can I… talk to you?” “Course. What do you wanna talk about? Has got Jemima?” “No… he left earlier. Jemima’s in the other room… where’s Rachel?” “She left earlier. You all right?” I sighed. No, I wasn’t all right. I felt sick, I was so nervous. But this had to be done. “ , I’m worried about you,” I admitted. “Why?” “You’ve been getting so drunk lately, and every night this week you’ve been drunk out of your mind… and I’m just a bit worried.” “Mmmm hmmm…” I could hear the anger building in ’s voice. “Any reason why you’re so concerned about me?” “ , after Busted split up, this is exactly what happened, and look where it landed you: in rehab. I hated that time, . It wasn’t you. I was so scared that the old wouldn’t come back, but you did, and you swore you would never go back to that. But it’s happening again – only you can’t see it.” “Quit fussing, ,” he snapped. I back away. “I’m fine. I’m just having a little fun. Or aren’t I allowed anymore?” “I’m just worried about you,” I whispered, tears choking my voice. “I don’t want you to go back to that. This is exactly what happened last time, and just like last time, you can’t see yourself going down that path.” “Because I’m not going down that freaking path! Sometimes , you freak too much. This is why you hate Rachel so much, isn’t it? Just because I’m having a bit of fun. You know what? I wish that you weren’t such a bitch sometimes.” He covered his mouth suddenly, like he wished he could take it back. But the damage was already done. He had said it. And I had heard it. I pushed past him, running up to my room, collapsing in tears on my bed.

Part 10:

Back last year, when found that I was pregnant, he flipped. I hadn’t told him because his new career was going so well, and I was worried about what his reaction would be. It was even worse when he did find out. I was seven months at the time, and he just completely flipped. I moved out to my grandmother’s for a month or so. refused to speak to me for ages. I could tell that he was hurt and angry with me. Things were so tense between us, I was worried that things would ever go back to normal. This was what things were like now. The house was so tense, you could have cut the tension with a knife. We weren’t talking to each other. because he was still pissed off with me, and me because I was so hurt by what he said. I was only worried about him. I just couldn’t let him go down that road again, because I knew if he did, there was no coming back. But I guess to prove a point, he stopped getting so drunk and stopped seeing Rachel all together. The situation was made worse when had to leave on tour a week later.

“I’ll see you at Christmas, ok?” he said, pulling away from the hug and kissing me. “See you then,” I mumbled. Even though I knew he was coming back, I didn’t want him to leave me now, not when things were so difficult between me and . “I love you ,” I said. “I love you too, . See you kiddo,” said affectionately to Jemima, who was singing to herself on my hip. She gurgled and smiled at him, reaching out for him. He gave her one last kiss before squeezing my hand one last time and leaving us. was waiting by the car a slight distance away, watching the scene unfold. As I walked back, Jemima let out a whine. and I avoided eye contact. “Come on. Lets go home,” said, taking Jemima from me and placing her in her car seat. I climbed into the front, not looking at him. I hated things being so difficult between the two of us. But I was so hurt – so insulted – by what he had said, I wasn’t going to give in like that. He had to realise how hurt I still was. I was playing with Jemima in my room later that afternoon when came in. “We need to talk,” he said simply. I ignored him, still playing with my baby. “Fine. You wanna play like that? Well, two can play at that game.” He turned around and shut the door, locking it and placing the key in his pocket. I glared at him. “You had better give me that key back now or –” “Or what? You’re not in a position to bargain here, . Now, can we talk?” I placed Jemima on the floor, handing her my Lego watch to keep her occupied, completely pissed off with . “No. What’s there to talk about? It’s obvious you think I’m stuck up, good for nothing bitch.” He sighed. “ , look, I was just angry –” “Of course you were. That’s everyone’s excuse.” “ , would you please shut up and listen to me?” snapped. I fell silent, crossing my arms across my chest and looking away from him. “I would never go down that road again, you know that. It was just a bit of fun, but I guess it was getting a bit out of hand. I was just annoyed how you had this stupid idea that Rachel was a bitch. You know I would never put anyone ahead of you. You’re the most important person in my life, you’re like my daughter. And you know that nothing is going to change that. Can we just go back to normal now? Please? Because I miss you.” He touched my shoulder gently. I turned around and fell into a hug, sobbing into his chest.

“I’m sorry,” I sobbed. “I was just worried that –” “I know,” he soothed. “It’s ok.” He pulled me closer, hugging me tightly. I slept in ’s bed that night, curled up in his arms. It was reassuring to have him there beside me, hugging me, soothing me to sleep. I was missing badly, and I couldn’t wait for him to come back home. I woke up in an empty bed the next morning. I sat up, slightly scared. I called for , but there was so answer. I glanced at the clock; it was ten in the morning. He must have let me sleep in, I thought, smiling. I pulled my dressing gown on and went downstairs, where I found crying in the kitchen, a sheet of paper in his hands. Jemima was sucking on a Rich Tea biscuit on the floor, looking mucky and innocent. “ ? What’s wrong?” I asked, resting my hand on his back and peering at the sheet of paper. He hid it from my view quickly, wiping his eyes. “Nothing,” he said quickly. “You all right? You want some breakfast? I’m sorry it’s so late, it’s just you were so tired last night, so I thought I’d let you sleep in –” “ . What’s wrong? What’s on that sheet of paper?” I asked, knowing that he was covering for something. “Nothing. I’m going to go and get changed and stuff.” He ran upstairs quickly, and I knew from the way he slammed and locked the door that he wasn’t coming down any time soon.

Part 11:

“ ?” I knocked on his door at one that afternoon, shortly after Jemima had gone down for her afternoon nap. I had decided it was probably best if I left him alone for a little while. “Yeah?” he asked, his voice wavering slightly. “Can I come in?” “Yeah…” He unlocked the door and climbed under the duvet. I climbed in with him. “What’s the matter?” I asked, removing the duvet. “Nothing. I – never mind.” “Come on . Please tell me?” He looked at me, his eyes red and puffy from crying. He rested his head on his pillow, sighing heavily. “Well… when me and Rachel were together, we had a lot of unprotected sex…” “So I heard.” “Shut up. And she wasn’t on the pill or anything… and when after two months she never ended up pregnant, I was slightly worried. The thought of her getting pregnant had never occurred to me before. But now it had, I was worried. So I went to the hospital to have a few tests and they’ve just come back and… and they’ve said I can’t have any kids.” I sat there, gob smacked. No kids? had always joked that he hated kids, but I knew that he really wanted some day to settle down and have a family. This had come as a right blow to , and I knew it.

“Wha… why?” I stuttered. “I don’t know… something to do with the drink I suppose… oh God …” He turned around and rested his head on my thigh. I placed one hand on the small of his back and rubbed gently, my other hand running through his hair. “You were right you know. As usual,” he muttered after a few moments. “ I didn’t want to be,” I said rather guiltily. “I know. I’m only joking,” he said, giving me a weak smile. “You know there’s always adoption and stuff. I mean, you adopted me.” “Yeah… I suppose. But, you know. I’ve always wanted kids of my own. It just comes as a… shock, that’s all.” Silence overcame us for a few moments. I continued to try and comfort him as best as I could. “My girl,” murmured after a few moments, sitting up and pulling me into a hug, kissing the top of my head. “You’re the closer thing I’ll ever have to a daughter, hun. You and Jemima. You’re the most important things in my life.” “I love you . I’ll always be here for you.” “I know. I love you too, .”

Part 12:

“ ! Get up!” someone shouted in my ear. I grumbled and rolled over, blinking blearily at the sight of standing before me, shaking me vigorously. “ !” I shouted, tugging the duvet tighter around mine and ’s bodies. “I’m naked!” “No big, I’ve seen it all before,” sighed, rolling his eyes. “I don’t care! I don’t appreciate you ogling over my naked flesh, thank you very much!” “Jeez. First night back and you’re already at it, hey?” I glared at him. “That was uncalled for. I missed .” “Look, I’ve got no time for lovey dovey sick stuff, ok? Get your arse downstairs now – it’s Christmas!” “Act your age , not your shoe size,” I groaned, snuggling back into . “COME ON! I want you to open your present – I kinda felt like I ruined last year, and I want to make it up to you.” “Only kind of?” “ , get your backside downstairs now, or I’m throwing the covers back.” “All right, all right. Go on, get out while I get my dressing gown on.”

He darted off down the stairs, closing the door behind him. I shook my head at him. Sometimes you wouldn’t believe that he was in his twenties. He was so hyped up for some reason. Last Christmas wasn’t a very joyous one. That was when and I had had our massive argument about Jemima. I was seven months pregnant, and had only just told – and he wasn’t very happy with the idea. I had spent a good month living with my grandmother, trying to get to come around. had began to stir. “What time is it?” he mumbled. “Fuck you , it’s only six o’clock,” I sighed. “Go back to bed, . It’s too early.” I kissed him on the lips before going to get Jemima up and going downstairs. “Come on!” called, a large present in his hands. He bounced up and down on the seat, gripping it tightly. “ . You’re in your twenties. Not your teenies,” I laughed, placing my teenie on the floor. She gurgled before crawling before the pile of leftover wrapping paper and wrapping herself up in it. “Here,” said as I sat down, passing me the present. “You do realise that it has to be really good to make up for last year,” I teased. His expression quickly changed. “Don’t make me feel guilty. I hate myself for last year as it is.” “I’m only joking.” I started to unwrap the present, wondering what it could be. A large photo album fell out. I opened the first page and saw pictures of when I was a tiny little baby, with my mum and dad in hospital. There were pictures of my christening, pictures of my first steps, pictures of me covered in some form of disgusting creamy substance… keep silent as I looked through, pictures of my family staring up at me. There were pictures all the way up until November the year before. Then it was blank. “I left the rest for you,” said softly. “I thought you might want to do something for Jemima. “ , it’s gorgeous,” I choked, falling into a hug. I rested it on his lap and opened up the last pages. “How many months were you in that picture?” asked, pointing to one taken back in the November of the year before. “Six months,” I murmured. “You didn’t show much, did you?” he teased gently, kissing my head. “So what do you think?” “ , it’s beautiful,” I sighed, smiling to myself.

Part 13:

Things have changed a hell of a lot since then. Well, what do you expect? That was seven years ago. I’m twenty–one now, and a top designer. Jemima’s nearly seven, ’s twenty–five and ’s twenty–eight and is now producing music instead of recording it – and he’s engaged, would you believe it. Impossible, I tell you. But she’s a really lovely girl, and is really nice to me and Jemima. She’s lucky to have him. They’re thinking about adopting later in the year. wants a boy – he keeps joking he’s sick of girls and he needs a boy to play footie with and do guy things with. I’m sure Jemima, ’s fiancé and I will make sure he’s a little girly boy!

As for me and … we split up. When I was seventeen. Things were getting strained between us. He had to keep leaving for tours and promoting and stuff, until it got to the stage when I hardly ever saw him, and I can’t have a relationship like that. Sure, I loved him, but we both decided it was for the best. It was a joint decision. One day, we’ll see that we’re right for each other and get back together. In fact, that day looks like it’s coming soon – now Mcfly have split up, s also gone into producing music, and the two of us are being put together again and again… I think pretty soon it’ll get too much for us. But I want to know what Jemima thinks of the situation before we get together – she gets a bit awkward around new boys I get together with.

One thing’s for certain though, I know will always be here for me. Boys will come and go, but will stay put in our lives. He’ll never leave us. I guess nowadays, I see him more like my father than like my uncle. And he’ll never replace my real father, but he’s really important to me. He’s been there all my life. I remember the day when I was six and he told me about sex (he got grounded for a lifetime, but I don’t remember that part). I remember when I was nine and he had tickets for us and some mates to see Green Day live – but when I came down with chicken pox, he stayed behind to look after me, despite the fact that he really wanted to go. I love him like a dad. And I know he loves me like a daughter.