Part 1:

I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. My fiancée on the sofa, having sex with some random girl. I could not believe that he could be so hurtful. It was only a month before our wedding – how the hell could he do that to me? “Ooh God …” the girl groaned as tensed up. “Mmmm…baby…” moaned, relaxing and then tensing up again. “What – oh God – about – ooh – your fiancée ?” the girl panted, biting down on his shoulder. “What she doesn’t know can’t hurt her,” soothed.

“So while you’re having sex on the sofa, your fiancée is away at your parents, thinking that she could trust you and what a brilliant man you are. I should have listened to my parents,” I said scornfully. jumped and looked up. I didn’t give him a chance to reply. I ripped my engagement ring off of my finger and hurled it across the room. I then picked up my bags again and stormed out of the flat, tears streaming non–stop down my cheeks. I moved back into my parent’s. They were sympathetic, but went on and on about how I should have listened to them and what a bad boy he was – no wonder I moved in with my best mate Billie after a few weeks. rung my phone constantly, but I never answered. As far as I was concerned, he didn’t care anymore. I did care though. All day every day, the only thing on my mind was that image, and why he did that. I loved him so much, and I never stopped loving him. But I could never trust him the way I did again. He had hurt me so bad. My heart had been crushed into a million pieces, but I forced myself to keep going. Billie kept me going. She said that if I really loved him, then I wouldn’t give up on him.

A month later, he turned up on our doorstep, looking rough with tears falling down his cheeks. By then, I was already harbouring a precious secret. One that everyone would know soon – and disapprove – but I didn’t care. It was my choice, and I had made my mind up; I was keeping ’s child. I loved him, and I couldn’t bear to have it aborted. Billie was the first person to know about the baby. She supported my decision and backed me up, no matter what choice I made. This was why Billie was my best friend. “Please, I need to see her, please,” I heard beg. “No . Look, she’s not feeling too good this morning, piss off and leave her alone.” “Please,” whispered. I sighed. “For five minutes,” I shouted, gripping my stomach. This nausea was really setting in now. I couldn’t wait until it ended. Billie looked at me as if I was crazy, before opening the door and letting him in. looked a mess. He had tears falling constantly down his cheeks; his hair was a mess – he was a mess. His hazel eyes seemed so hollow, so empty. “ ,” murmured. “No. I don’t want an apology. I don’t want an explanation. I let you in to tell you that I don’t want another thing to do with you. You hurt me, we were engaged, you cheated on me; you threw me away, what we had away, our –” I broke off. “Our baby,” I whispered. “Please …let me explain…” he begged. “No. Fuck off; I don’t want to see you again. Go back to recording your second album, because I don’t want another thing to do with you. Right now, I need to think about what’s best for this baby.” looked up at me. I didn’t dare look at his eyes, because if I did, I knew that I would see the hurt and sincerity in his them.

Part 2:

(Right peeps; this is where we go forward four years. We’re going to have to pretend that Busted are still together, ok? In this year – 2007 – ’s 24, ’s 24 and ’s 22. Use your imagination!)

I never stopped loving . Every day, I would think of him. I would always see him on the telly, on the news, performing – I couldn’t get away from him. Nor could I hide him from my son. My son Benjamin Matthew was born on April the 14th 2003, two months early. There were a lot of complications in the pregnancy, so he had to be born two months early by emergency caesarean. More than ever before, I wanted by my side, to help me, to tell me that it would be all right and that he loved me more than anything in the world. But he respected my wishes and left me alone. Whenever an interviewer asked about serious girlfriends, would mutter that he had one serious one but he mucked it all up and left it at that. There was never a mention that he had a secret child that no one knew about. Benjamin loved Busted. They were his favourite band. Naturally, his favourite member was . I don’t know why – it seemed like some natural instinct. “I really like ,” he said one day while watching them perform. “Mmmm…” “Mummy?” “Honey, there’s something mummy needs to tell you.” “What?”

I told him. Of course, being only three, he didn’t listen to the part that he had been very bad to mummy. He was just over the moon how he was his father. He told virtually everyone. He was just so happy about it. “When I grow up, I’m going to be just like daddy,” he declared one night before he went to bed. “That’s good honey. Night night now.” I kissed him goodnight and managed to hold back my tears until I got to bed, where I sobbed my heart out. Me and Benjamin had our own little house now. It wasn’t much, but it was enough. We had moved away to the very north of London, where we were as far as possible from . I had a new job at a café, and because the café was child friendly I was permitted to bring Benjamin, as I wasn’t particularly keen on him going to nursery – we were only just coping as it was. We didn’t need all the nursery fees on top of it all. I hadn’t had another boyfriend since – it brought back too many memories, and besides, no guy could make me feel the way that still made me feel every time I saw him.

Benjamin was mental for Busted. What he really wanted to do was to go and see them on tour – during the summer, they were touring the country. And of course, they were doing a gig for Wembley. Benjamin begged and begged for me to take him. Unbeknown to him, I was saving up for tickets for the tour. I just hoped and hoped and hoped that didn’t recognise me or Benjamin for that matter. He looked a lot like his father. When I finally told Benjamin – the morning before the concert; it was that evening – he was literally jumping for joy. He wouldn’t sit still. He was so excited. “Do you think daddy will see me?” he asked, jumping on the sofa. “SIT STILL!” I commanded. “Honey, I don’t think daddy will see you,” I said in a gentler tone. “Why not?” he asked, confused. “Baby, daddy doesn’t know about you. He doesn’t care about mummy anymore; he doesn’t even know that you’re alive.” Benjamin’s eyes welled up with tears. “He…he…doesn’t…know about…m–me?” he asked, his voice shaking. “Oh honey…” I scooped him up into my arms and cuddled him close, soothing him. Secretly, I had a little cry too.

Part 3:

Our seats were right in the front row. Even then, Benjamin – being such a short arse – couldn’t see right up, so I had to lift him up onto my shoulders. I had got tickets for Billie and my mate Natasha as well, as they were avid Busted fans. And they just happened to be BACKSTAGE TICKETS. I just hoped that they appreciated them. “MUMMY! MUMMY, LOOK, ITS !” Benjamin shouted above the noise of the screaming crowd. I smiled to myself. Seeing again made my heart thud wildly and I began to find it slightly hard to breathe. He still looked so gorgeous. “HEY YA WEMBLEY!” , one of the band members, shouted. The crowd screamed. “Hmmm…wonder how many of these people know all the words?” another member, , asked. “Well, let’s see…” took his microphone and scanned the crowd. “Hey boys, we’ve got a shortie here,” he laughed, bending down to Benjamin’s level. “Hey ya shortie, what’s your name?” “Benjamin.” smiled. “Cute name,” he grinned. “You know all the words to Crashed the Wedding?” “Yep!” “You feel like singing part of the song with us?” “YEAH!” laughed. “Careful tiger, you’ll knock mum off balance,” he laughed, helping me to regain my balance. He suddenly stopped. He stared at me. Our eyes locked for two seconds before I looked away, my hair covering my face. “ ?” he whispered. “Hey , what’s keeping you?” called. With one last glance at me, began to play.

I felt like breaking down in tears. I asked Billie to take Benjamin. I ran out of the stadium and collapsed into tears on the grass outside. The concert was almost at an end anyway. I didn’t feel like I was missing out on anything. Why? Why did he still have to make me feel this way? It had been over three years since I had last seen him in person – so why was he still making living so hard for me? If it wasn’t for Benjamin, I would have committed suicide by now. But I had to be strong for Benjamin. Just the sight of seeing again made my heart feel like it was about to explode and I was finding it hard to breathe with him around. But I knew that I could never trust him the way I did before again. “ ?” I sighed and stood up, wiping my damp face. “Come on Bops, let’s go home,” I mumbled. “And what about those backstage tickets? You know how badly I want to go and meet . He’s so cute! Natasha’s taken Benjamin back home and she’s looking after him, so we can have as long as we want and –” “Have you ever actually thought about how I feel about this situation?” I demanded. “Sorry,” Billie murmured. “I forgot…about…you and …” I looked at Billie. She was badly wanted to go backstage. I was sure it would be all right just once. “Fine,” I sighed. Billie’s eyes lit up. “Come on then – as long as we can make a stop at the ladies first so I can apply some make–up.” “Oh , you’re a star,” Billie cried, hugging me tightly.

Part 4:

and Billie got on like cream and cheese. In normal terms, they got on really well. It was so obvious that they were flirting with each other, the rest of us were finding it hard not to make vomiting noises. Things between me and were not so good. He was acting like he didn’t even know me; he wasn’t even talking to me, except when I asked a question, and even then he wouldn’t look me in the eye. on the other hand was really nice. I talked to him virtually all the time that we were there. We just got on so well. Although I couldn’t see us being more than friends. Being around again was… Intoxicating.

Worst of all, close to the end of the evening, ’s girlfriend joined us. Or should I say fiancée. I could see right from the word go that she was so totally fake and only in it for the fame and money. She was a brunette with a C–cup chest and piercing green eyes. Her name was Sophie. “Hey babe,” cooed when she walked in, greeting her with a long French snog. “Hey ,” she giggled, cuddling up close to . “So…do they…know yet?” she asked teasingly, looking around. Her eyes locked onto me. I knew that we weren’t going to get along. “Know what?” asked. “We’re getting married,” grinned. There were loud cheers from everyone; except me, that is. Tears were already starting to fall down my cheeks. I felt like my heart was breaking into millions of tiny pieces and nothing could ever mend it. Not wanting to give the satisfactory of seeing me cry, I stood up and made my way to the door. “What’s up with her?” Sophie asked in a snotty voice. “Don’t know, don’t care,” shrugged. I stopped. I felt my anger bubble over. I whipped around and slapped across the face. “I KNOW WHY THE FUCK YOU DID THAT!!!” I screamed at him. “To get your own back on me. You know how much I’m still fucking hurting over the way you lied to me. You know that I had your child! This is just a way to get back at me, isn’t it ? ISN’T IT?” Everyone was staring at me in shock. Even Billie seemed amazed. “You can’t blame me if I’m over you,” said firmly, standing up. “You can’t blame me if I’m still longing for you,” I whispered. It was too late to get out now. My tears were in full flow. I stormed out of the building and caught a taxi back home. Benjamin was sound asleep when I got home. Natasha let me in, slightly taken aback by my appearance. “God , what happened?” she asked. She didn’t know about . “Nothing Tasha…I’ll see you in the morning,” I sighed, closing the door and running upstairs, where I collapsed in my bed and cried myself to sleep.

Part 5:

I woke up at four the next morning. I tried to get back to sleep, but I couldn’t. I tossed and turned, the events of what had happened the night before replaying again and again in my head. “You can’t blame me if I’m over you.” ’s words continuously rang in my head. Just thinking of him made me feel like crying. I finally got up at seven. I had a shower, got changed and went downstairs to make myself some breakfast. I checked on Benjamin on the way; he was still sound asleep.

When I had finished eating, I heard a knock on the door. I was surprised to find that when I answered it, it was no one other than . “Hey,” he blushed. He seemed just a tad nervous. I grinned. “Hey,” I smiled. “First of all though, can I ask you where the hell you got my address from? And also, what the heck are you doing here?” “Well, Billie gave your address, so I nicked it off him, and I wanted to see if you were all right after last night. You seemed really upset.” “Yeah, well…can you blame me?” “Not really…” “Look, why don’t you come inside? Benjamin’s still asleep. Come on, I’ll get you a coffee or something.” “Cheers.” I blushed slightly as I led him into the kitchen. “Sorry,” I murmured. “It’s not much, but it’s satisfactory.” “I think personally it’s really nice. Real homey.” I blushed even more at this, and after receiving his order began to bustle about making his coffee. “So you and had a previous relationship, huh?” he asked me carefully. “Yeah,” I sighed. “We knew each other from high school. We started as friends, but that only lasted a few weeks before we were going out. He was my first boyfriend, my first kiss, first love…first everything practically. We got engaged when I was nineteen. But about a month before the wedding, I came back from my parents to find him on the sofa with some girl. He didn’t even know that I was pregnant then.” “Didn’t you ever tell him about Benjamin?” asked as I sat down at the kitchen table with him, handing him his coffee. “I did about a month later. Even then, I don’t think he took it seriously. I think he thought I was going to abort it. He knows perfectly well that I’m still hurting so badly for him, which was why he did what he did last night.” “I do remember him being pretty rough and touchy around the time of the second album,” admitted. I sighed. I heard the sound of tiny, sleepy feet totter down the stairs. “Mummy?” Benjamin mumbled sleepily, clutching his bear tightly. “Morning sweetie,” I said, picking the sleepy bundle up and cuddling him. “Mummy…that’s isn’t it?” “Yeah, it is sweetie.” Benjamin went quiet after that. He turned away from and buried his head in my shoulder, tracing little patterns on the back of my t–shirt. “Baby? What’s wrong?” I asked. “Mummy…you’re not… ’s not going to be my new daddy is he?” he asked, the words coming out in a rush. “Don’t be silly Benjamin,” I laughed, hugging him tightly. “ ’s just a friend.” Benjamin perked up after I said that. “So what about daddy?” he asked. “I…I don’t know,” I sighed. “It looks like daddy’s found a new girl.” “Why?” “Benjamin, why don’t you go and turn the telly on? Noddy’s on. I’ll bring you your brekkie in a moment.” “Ok.” He jumped off my lap and scurried into the living room, and within a few minutes the theme tune to Noddy could be heard. “Sorry,” I apologised to . “For what?” he asked. “Benjamin. All he really wants is to be a proper family with , but it just doesn’t seem possible now.”

Part 6:

Over the next week, me and became very close – but I never felt for him the things that I was still feeling for . kept me updated on what was doing. Apparently, he and Sophie had already had a blaring argument about me and Benjamin. wouldn’t talk about how he had a son. He just turned off, and wouldn’t answer to any related questions.

Benjamin begged and begged for me to go and visit him and ‘Uncle’ and daddy – the two lived together, as and Sophie hadn’t found a decent property yet – but I couldn’t face him. To me, life wasn’t worth living. didn’t care. He didn’t want me – the only reason I kept myself going was for Benjamin. Maybe one night I got a little too close to , but to me it was meaningless. I was feeling really down one evening, so offered to take me out. I left Benjamin with my mum and the two of us went out and got pretty drunk – I was longing for really badly. took me back to his and gave my mum a quick ring to tell her what the current situation was. She agreed to look after Benjamin for the night. and I cuddled up on the sofa, just laughing and chatting. The next thing I knew, his lips were pressed up against mine and that was all I could remember. I woke up the next morning, lying naked next to him, his arms wrapped around my waist. I gasped and sat up. “Wha…what?” mumbled. I stood up and quickly got myself dressed. “ …” groaned, sitting up. “What?” I snapped, doing up my bra. “Don’t go,” he mumbled, pulling my arm. I yanked it out of his grip. “You had to take advantage of me, didn’t you ?” I demanded. “You knew I was drunk and longing for .” “I didn’t take –” “YES YOU FUCKING DID!” I screamed. “Last night meant nothing,” I told him. “I don’t feel anything more than friendship for you.”

looked up at me, hurt evident in his eyes. “I feel more than that for you,” he whispered. “I don’t . I only want .” “Bloody !” he shouted. I was slightly taken aback. “Move on ! He’s not coming back!” “I love him,” I whispered. “You and me are non–existent.” I walked out of the house, ignoring his calls. I quickly had a shower and got changed back home and then went to pick up Benjamin. The doorbell rang around lunchtime. I went to answer it, wondering who it could be. Being Saturday, I didn’t normally get visitors. It was , looking nervous and rough. “ ,” he said when he saw me. “If you’re here for what happened last night, then you can go,” I said coldly. “It meant nothing.” “I know, I know. I just came to apologise. You’re right, I did take advantage of you, and I’m sorry for that. You’re still crazy in love with and you’ve got Benjamin and everything…I’m sorry.” He hung his head and turned around to leave. I sighed. “ , stop. I’m sorry too. I over–reacted.” We stood there for a few minutes, looking in each other’s eyes. gently squeezed my hand. “It won’t happen again,” he promised. “Still mates?” “Of course we are you twit!” I laughed, whacking him around the head playfully.

Part 7:

A month after we had met the boys, Billie had moved in with and – well, technically , because was just lodging there temporarily. I still don’t know how the hell she coped with two boys… (Cough) Anyway, she asked me to help her pack and move her stuff there. This was BAD. I knew that and Sophie were going to be there, as they were having a day off. I didn’t need seeing right now. And Benjamin didn’t need seeing .

Billie begged and begged for me to help, and eventually I said yes. As I had predicted, the couple of the moment were there, cuddling on the sofa, kissing. I looked away quickly. I sight made me physically sick. “Look mummy, that’s dad–” “Benjamin, please, promise me that you’ll just call him ,” I instructed. “Why?” “Please baby.” “Ok mummy,” Benjamin said, confused. “Why doesn’t he go and put on the telly?” Billie asked. “I’m just going to go start unpack some things. !” she called, making jump. “Do a cup of tea.” ’s gaze passed over me. “Ok,” he shrugged. He disappeared off into the kitchen, leaving me and Sophie alone together in the lounge. “When’s the wedding?” I asked to make polite conversation. Inside though, I was having trouble not to scathe her. “Six months time,” she replied snottily, examining her fingernails. I personally don’t think she even knows what polite conversation means. “And you’re not invited,” she added nastily. I sighed and admitted defeat. How could like this bitch was beyond me. “Doesn’t having kids ruin your figure?” she asked. I cast a look at her perfectly flat, toned stomach peeking through her tiny, strappy top. “Well, Benjamin hasn’t ruined my figure that much.” “ wants kids,” she said out of the blue. “I don’t know. I think we’ll just go to court and try to get Benjamin off you – at least that way I’ll still have my lovely figure.” I stared at her. “Take Benjamin off me?” I repeated in disbelief. “Yeah. We could claim that you denied the father access to his child.” I lost it. I flipped. “You are not taking my son away from me,” I hissed, my face level with hers. She just laughed. “Face it – ’s gone. He’s mine now.”

came in a few minutes later, a cup of tea in his hands. I gratefully took it from him. “Well, I’ve gotta go babe, I’ve got things to do,” Sophie sighed, standing up. “See ya then baby,” said, kissing her on the cheek. She shot a nasty look in my direction before leaving me and alone together. My stomach was doing back–flips and it was getting difficult to breathe with around. I couldn’t think of anything to say. “So that’s my son in the other room then,” said quietly, fiddling with the belt on his jeans. “Yeah,” I replied. “I never really took you seriously when you said that you were pregnant,” admitted, still avoiding eye contact. “I know you didn’t.” “Why did you keep him?” “Because I love you!” I shouted, standing up. “Is that so hard to believe?” “You love me?” repeated, standing up, a look of anger in his eyes. “I love Sophie now ! You and me are over. Face that.” “Why can’t you see that she doesn’t love you?” I demanded. “She’s only in it for the money; are you really that blind ?” “Why are you being such a bitch about Sophie? Why can’t you be happy for us, instead of sulking 24/7?” “CAN YOU BLAME ME FOR FUCKING SULKING?!” I shouted. “That is your son in the other room! I fucking love you, and you couldn’t give a shit about me!” “SO BLOODY TRUE!” he retorted.

We had a huge argument. Both Benjamin and I were in tears. Benjamin pleaded us to stop, but we continued, letting everything that had built up over the past five weeks out. I stormed out, carrying a hysterical Benjamin. He begged for daddy to stop shouting at mummy. seemed a little taken aback that he had called him daddy, but he ignored him and continued. Benjamin was cross with me for shouting at daddy and refused his tea. I smacked him and sent him to his room. I could hear him crying in there when I finally retired to my room. I hesitated. I wish I had checked on him. But I thought he was just being silly.

Part 8:

I tossed and turned constantly all night. I couldn’t get that argument out of my head. The things that had said made me just want to curl up and die. I hated myself for everything; for ever letting him go; for ever telling Benjamin who he really was; instead of talking to , I pushed him away. I allowed the tears to trickle down my cheeks and watched as they were absorbed into my pillow. Quietly, I got out of bed and went downstairs. I drew a knife out of the kitchen draw. The sharp blade glinted in the moonlight. I lowered it to my wrist. Finally, a way to get out. I drew it along my wrist, slitting the skin. Blood poured out. I gasped at the feeling of relief. I put the knife in the other hand and lowered it to my other wrist. Wait, what was I doing? I stopped just as I was about to draw blood. What about Benjamin? He needed me; I couldn’t leave him. As much as I wanted just to get away from it all, my child needed me. If I gave up, I was giving up on him. I was robbing him of a normal life. I wrapped my bleeding wrist up in a damp cloth. I then went back upstairs, checking on Benjamin on the way. Imagine my shock when I found he wasn’t there.

“Benjamin? Benjamin honey, come out.” I looked under his sheets, under his bed, in the wardrobe; I was in a frantic panic. Where was he? Maybe he had gone to the bathroom. I scurried across the landing and into the bathroom, only to find it also empty. I looked in all of the rooms of the house, calling frantically, a fresh batch of tears already falling down my cheeks. “Benjamin, where are you…” I sobbed, collapsing on the sofa. He was my only family now. My only connection to , and he was gone. I quickly searched the house again. I suddenly realised that his teddy and thick fleece was gone. I rushed back downstairs. It was only then that I realised the cool breeze around my ankles. The front door was open. I screamed and ran back upstairs, pulling some clothes on quickly. If I was to find him, I needed help. I knew why he ran away. All he wanted was to be a proper family with – he couldn’t understand that didn’t want me. It was all my fault. If I hadn’t put those stupid ideas in his head, then none of it would ever have happened. I grabbed a torch from the kitchen drawer, grabbed the keys and locked the front door before running down the road, calling for him, flashing the torch down every alleyway. I went everywhere I could possibly think of. There was no sign of him. I was in a right panic by then. Horrible thoughts were racing through my head. Why didn’t I check on him? Why didn’t I tell him that it was going to be all right and stop him from crying?

Part 9:

Finally, after two full hours of searching, I turned up on ’s doorstep at five o’clock. It was the last place I could think of. It was who answered the door. He seemed a little shocked to see me. I had to take a few deep breaths upon seeing him only in his boxers. “ ?” he asked blearily. “What’s wrong? What are you doing here?” “Have you seen Benjamin?” I demanded, holding back tears. “Why would I see him at this time? , it’s five in the morning.” I gave in to the tears. I leant up against the doorframe, sobs overcoming me. “He’s gone,” I sobbed. “He’s gone…” “ , what the fuck are you talking about?” asked, looking at me concerned. “HE RAN AWAY!” I shouted, standing up straight. “He’s gone…and it’s all my fault…”

I slid down the wall of the house, collapsing in tears. My son was gone. I was in a frantic state. My child was gone, anything could have happened to him; I was tired after not getting any sleep the night before and I was running on literally no food. gently pulled me to me feet and carried me inside. He lay me down on the sofa and went to fix me a cup of hot chocolate and some breakfast. He told me to eat what he had given me and cuddled me close on the sofa. “ …I can’t…I’ve got to go and find him…” “First, you need to eat something. You’re starving – you’ll do yourself an injury.” I sighed – although I was secretly happy that he was concerned. “Where are and Billie?” I asked. “Out on a ‘romantic date.’ AKA, they’re not coming out of the hotel room for 24 hours,” explained, pulling a face. I giggled feebly. “ , could you please eat that?” “I’m not that hungry …” I mumbled, putting down half a piece of toast that I had been pathetically nibbling at for the past few minutes. “ , please,” begged. I sighed and began to eat reluctantly. “I’m sorry I woke you,” I mumbled a few minutes later, sipping my drink. “It’s all right, I was awake anyway,” sighed. “Where’s…Sophie?” I shuddered at her name. “…We split up,” he said bluntly. I looked at him shocked. “Why?” “She called me last night. She was cheating on me with some other guy, and they’re moving to America.” There was an awkward silence.

“I never really loved her,” muttered out of the blue. His hand trailed down to my thigh; he gently stroked it with one hand, causing goose bumps to come up all over my body. “I…never…stopped…loving…you…” he whispered, kissing my neck softly. “I never stopped loving you,” I groaned, locking in a heart–stopping kiss. slowly pulled away and traced his hand around my face. “I never forgot what we had…what I felt for you…what I still feel for you…” He bent forward again. I pulled away. “ , no…” “What?” he whispered, kissing my collarbones. I groaned and pulled him up to my mouth and kissed him passionately. I hadn’t had a kiss like that in ages. gently lay me down, lying on top of me. We pulled away each other’s clothes, kissing every part of each other’s bodies. What on earth was I doing? I still had the tiniest flicker of doubt. But I was desperate to seize the heat and passion of the moment. Everything was temporarily forgotten.

Part 10:

“Hmmm…baby, I love you…” groaned, nuzzling into my neck once again. “I shouldn’t have done that,” I admitted, gently pushing him off of me. “What? Why?” I pulled on my underwear, avoiding ’s eye. “ , tell me why.” He gently cupped my face with his hands, looking deep into my eyes. “One, our son is out there and here we are having sex on the sofa; two, you have just split up with your fiancée and three, I can’t tell if you really still feel for me what claim you still do!” I shouted. A look of anger entered ’s eyes. He pulled on his boxers, stormed upstairs, found something in his bedroom and came back downstairs, holding a small something in his hand. He got down on one knee in front of me and opened the box to reveal my engagement ring from so long ago. I gasped.

“I know you know what that is,” told me, the slightest hint of anger in his voice. “I kept it in hope that on day you would come back to me, come back in my life and just pick up where we left off. You and Benjamin coming back in my life is the best thing that has ever happened to me. When I got together with Sophie six months ago, she was my first girlfriend since you. I did it to try and get over you – I was convinced that you weren’t coming back and I might as well move on now coz otherwise it would just destroy me. Please , I love you with all my heart and nothing will ever change that. Please believe me.” He gently slipped the ring onto my finger. My heart was thudding wildly. I had so longed for him to say these words. “I love you too ,” I whispered, hugging him tightly, tears cascading down my cheeks. “Come on,” whispered after a few minutes, wiping my tears. “We’ve gotta find that child of ours.” “Any sign?” I asked three hours later, opening the front door for him, running a hand through my untamed hair. “Nothing,” he sighed. I rubbed the tears desperately away and collapsed on the sofa. After two hours of non–stop searching, had instructed me to go home and get some rest, as I had no sleep the night before. I couldn’t sleep though. My son was gone; I couldn’t sleep knowing that something bad might be happening to him right now. “Hey, baby, it’s ok,” soothed, sitting down on the arm of the sofa and wrapping his arms around me. I allowed the tears to trickle down my cheeks. “No, no it’s not,” I mumbled, burying my face in his shirt. “ …what if… something’s happened to him…what the fuck have I done?” “Don’t blame yourself,” said firmly. “None of this is your fault. Nothing’s gonna happen to him, he’ll be fine, we’ll find him, I promise. You fancy a cup of tea?” “Mmmm, please…” levered himself of the sofa and walked into the kitchen, where I could soon hear him bustling about making a cup of tea. We sat in silence, occasionally running his hands through his hair. “ , I reckon one more search and then we call the police,” he said reasonably. I sighed. “Ok.”

Part 11:

We began to commence our last search. I was so stressed out, furious with myself for not checking on him the night before. We split up and double–checked all over the place, calling for him. We finally met up in the park, me in a right state. “Hey, chill out,” shushed me, hugging me tightly. “Where is he?” I mumbled pointlessly. quietly began to lead me home, wrapping his arms tightly around me. I was shivering, hungry and tired, but I wasn’t going to give up. gently lay me down on the sofa and kissed my forehead, wrapping a blanket around me. “No…I have to find him…” I whispered. “You are not going anywhere,” instructed. “You are going to stay here. You are tired, hungry, and you need some rest. I’ll go around the block and search just one last time, but then babe I suggest we call the police. You get some rest now, ok?” “Mmmm…” I can’t remember what happened after that, because I was already asleep.

Part 12:

I woke up to hear the front door slam. I glanced at the clock; I had been asleep for two hours. I wiped the sleep from my eyes and sat up. “ ?” I called sleepily. “Mummy…” “Shhh, tiger, come on…” “Benjamin…Benjamin?” came into the room, carrying a little bundle in his arms. I pushed the blanket away and took my son in my arms, tears trickling down my cheeks as wrapped the blanket back around us. “Benjamin…oh baby,” I sobbed, kissing him. “Why honey? Why did you do it? Mummy and daddy were worried sick!” “I’m sorry mummy,” he whispered. “I’m so sorry mummy.”

sat down on the arm of the chair and wrapped his arms around the two of us. I felt a cold splash of water land on my shoulder. I looked up at and realised that he too was crying. “ …I’m so sorry,” he whispered. I pulled Benjamin closer to us, who shivered slightly. I kissed his cheek, before kissing softly on the lips. “It doesn’t matter, ok? I love you, and that’s all that matters. We can still have another chance, right?” I asked nervously. “It’s only what I want,” whispered.

Part 13:

I gave Benjamin his breakfast, sitting down on the sofa beside me. He drew his gaze away from Noddy and looked at me. “Mummy, I’m sorry,” he whispered, tears trickling down his cheeks. “You had me and daddy very worried,” I sighed, pulling him into a hug. “Mummy and daddy love you very much. Don’t you ever forget that.” “Mummy…” “Mmmm hmmm?” “Are you and daddy back together?” I sat and thought for a moment. Were we? I was wearing my engagement ring again. He had told me he loved me. I had told him I loved him. I had asked for another chance. But did that mean we were back together? “I’m not sure honey,” I told him truthfully. After a little while, Benjamin fell asleep on my lap, and I went into the kitchen to talk to . He was absent–mindedly picking at a piece of toast. “ ?” He jumped at the mention of his name. “Sorry hun, I didn’t realise you were here,” he apologised, grinning at me. He opened up his arms and I fell into them, sighing as I rested my head on his chest. “ …are we back together?” I mumbled into his chest. “I was about to ask you the same question,” I heard sigh. I looked up into his hazel eyes. “Do you want another chance?” he asked, stroking the hair out of my eyes. “Yes…but –” “But what? , I swear I’ll never ever do it again. I love you, and I’m never gonna stop. We’re meant to be, you know that, don’t ya?” I smiled. “I love you too ,” I sighed, resting my head back on his chest. I felt pull away from me. I looked up at him questionably. “ …look, I know I don’t have a ring or anything, but I need to ask you now, please… , what do you say to becoming Mrs. ?” “I’d love to,” I smiled, kissing him on the lips. There we go. We were finally back together. I was happy, Benjamin was happy, was happy. We could finally be a proper family. I know they say that you shouldn’t trust a guy that’s cheated before…but I was willing to try one last time. And so was he.